hi, welcome to my space
this is my first ever personal site, idk if i should call this my blog but i dont really like to. i want to save this for my peace and just be better.
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| an archive of :my poems, one shots, drawings, covers, anything that i love to do, to express myself |
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1Ikaw ang tala, panimula, at luha
Ikagagalak kung makita
Salamat sa sinag mong dala
Lubos kang inibig sinta
Mapusok at mapanglaw
Busilak at malinaw
Ikaw ang ninais at hinagpis
Ang payapang alon at hangin
Ikaw ang una at ang bukas
Ang bawat letra at kumpas
Ang ulan at bahaghari.
2Dreams can be deceiving and confusing.
Tila binuksan ng naglalaro kong isipan ang pakaiiwasan kong tanawin.
But dreams are undeniably comforting as well.
Ang pakaiingatan kong susi at pinanghahawakang emosyon.
It was like a thunder that strikes my soul.
"Pakawalan mo na ako, ilabas mo na ako"
If only grief could speak for itself, it probably begged me with those words.Sabi nila, dreams are your desires na hindi mo matupad-tupad sa totoong buhay. But you are the only one who can define what your dreams are all about.Noon pa man, lagi ko nang iniisip ang mga dahilan ng panaginip ko.
But what I had this morning was unexpectedly beautiful.
Tila pinayagan akong maghilom sa mga sugat ng kahapon.
Ang mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin ang mga tumayong kasangga ko sa emosyon na hindi ko kayang pakawalan.
It was eddie, dustin, mike, lucas, and max. They became my friends and asked me not to smile when I'm not happy. Eddie even hacked spotify to go back in time.
Pinatugtog nila yung mga lumang kanta so I can grieve and mourn. Doon ko lang na realize na I am longing for grievance on how the time passes.
3
WanderI always want to explore, around the things that I love the things that I hate yet I never figured out anything that consoles my soul. I keep trying, reaching, and climbing. I stumble, I struggle, and suffered. It got me.
With my wounds and flawed soul, I restarted, I took a step, slowly. My head is full, like a spilling water from a bottle, my heart sank like a rubber ducky in the middle of a whale's stomach. Does that make sense? I tried to bury all this unheard cries and bursting thoughts. And it got me.
I went too far. I sailed too deep. I dug a deep hole and I can't back up. I figured out that there's nothing to figure out. There's nothing to explore about, you just have to take it off and destroy the calm soil, keep digging, keep climbing, keep sailing.
I once feared and I kept fearing,
I stumbled and kept struggling,
Endless cycle, a certain constant in this hell.
4Is it?Was it love? Is it love? How does it supposed to make me feel?"It's getting wild, scary, and confusing."They say that you're the only one who can answer what love means for you, you who felt it.
Should you know all of it? All at once? How can you be sure of it? Do we have to be sure of it?Because sometimes I don't
Sometimes I doSometimes I'd like to jump confidently, certain that it's you who'll catch me, because it's youSometimes I push you away off my mind, thinking that you don't deserve someone who's unsure of youEven worse is that I sometimes do hate you, I sometimes do dislike you, because it's you.You ain't my typa guy I'd wildly choose over anything else. You're my fall-back space. You catch me when I fall. You comfort me on my shadows. You call me on my name when I don't seem to know myself anymore.Am I into you, because it's you who loves me?Was it love? Is it love? Is this love?
